Big Boy School 2 of a 9 part series

 Time for you to learn to read and write. A day chock full of science and social studies. I was anxious because at home, you clearly had some sort of internal motor that nobody could see with the naked eye – if I could have seen it, I FOR SURE would have hit the off switch. Perhaps if I found that off switch, we would not own so many wooden dowels and you would still be playing with your toys that were in the big black garbage bag. However, you successfully made it through preschool and kindergarten, so I was hopeful that the rest of your school years would be a breeze.

In first grade I became increasingly worried about your motor without the off switch. I worried about the fact that your handwriting was atrocious, you were writing letters backwards, there was no spacing between your words, random spaces within a word, and it was like the lines on the paper were invisible to you. Your school held a meeting where I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew my concerns were valid. The school assured me that you were fitting right in. Academically you were where you needed to be, and you were well behaved in class. Hmmm…. I did not give up.

They finally had the occupational therapist “unofficially” work with you because clearly, I was not going away. This entailed letter formation and spacing, and a prescribed sensory diet. Unfortunately, you continued to struggle through all of 1st grade.

In second grade I took matters into my own hands, and had you evaluated at the Center for ADHD where you were officially diagnosed. I took the evaluation report to your school, had another meeting where I did not know what I was doing, and they gave you a 504 plan. Your OT sessions ended because kids with ADHD “just don’t like to write” and guess what, you continued to struggle. If I could’ve traded places with you and took the weight off your young shoulders, I would’ve in a heartbeat.

3rd, 4th, and 5th grade were disasters. You hated everything about school. Reading, writing, math, science, social studies…. Your attendance was poor, but your school kept telling me that academically, you were at or above grade level. You spent those years writing stories that remained a mystery because nobody could read your writing, chewing big wads of bubble gum, and tattooing yourself with expo markers. I bought your 5th grade teacher a big bottle of wine that year after the unmentionable slime incident. I bought myself one too. Ok fine, maybe I bought myself more than 1.

All I knew was that middle school was on the horizon, and I hoped with all my heart and soul that it was the answer we so desperately needed. Elementary school robbed you of a happy childhood despite the accommodations you had in your 504 plan. One where you should have been carefree. Instead, it killed your confidence and made you feel worthless. And as much as I tried to stop it, I could not. I was stuck sending you back into the exact environment that was dragging you down.

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