The IEP table isn't as equal as they say.....

 

I can promise you that no parent walks into that room wanting to fight.

All we want is for the school district to understand who our child is, what they struggle with, and brainstorm how the district can support those little humans that we love so much.

You spend many nights before the meeting lying awake, role-playing in your head. You spend your days researching, overthinking, preparing, and looking for any past evidence you can find to prove your point.

Then you walk into that meeting. You, a regular education teacher, a special education teacher, an “administrator,” and anyone else who can contribute—which sometimes can be multiple other people.

You hear that you are just as much a part of the team as the many other people in that room. But are you? Because it seems to me that you’re outnumbered.

The school team asks for your input, which you give. The input you’ve spent days gathering. The input that you think will hold a lot of weight…

And then you hear it.

Those five disturbing, maddening, disappointing, discouraging words:

“We don’t see that here.”

Now what? Because while I may be an equal team member, this sure doesn’t feel equal. Mostly because nobody is listening to me.

I’ve learned through advocates I’ve hired, and my advocacy training, that you are an equal team member—just like I mentioned in the beginning of this blog.

Except that you’re not. You’re a parent. And your input is not valuable unless the school team agrees with you.

You walk out of that meeting feeling like you are the problem. Like you made a big deal about something that’s not a big deal.

However, you’re the one that sees your child come home sad, frustrated, and exhausted. You’re the one that must let your child retreat to their room to decompress. And you’re the one—and the only one—that would do anything you could to take that pain away from your child.

And you feel helpless.

But I want you to know this: you’re not crazy. And you’re not alone.

If this hits home, you must be a parent that has sat in an IEP meeting.

We need change.

We need more parents to speak up. We need more parents to learn the policies and procedures of special education and start holding these school districts accountable.

I’ve had multiple kids failed by our education system. I may sound like a broken record when I say this, but it was never the teachers. My kids have had a couple of teachers that were clearly in the wrong profession, but most of them did not want to fail my kids.

It’s the system that’s broken—not the people.

And if I could leave you with one thing to help you feel a little less helpless, it’s this:

I learned the hard way that I should have read my procedural safeguards. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Read them. Understand them.