When Advocacy Breaks You - And How I Kept Going Anyway

 Let’s talk about the emotional trauma you experience as a parent advocating for your child.

Never in a million years had I imagined this was even a thing when I sent my first child to school. I truly believed they had his best interests at heart and would do whatever was needed to help him learn and grow.

Well, that thought didn’t last very long.

“What do you mean you don’t see that he can’t sit still? Or that he can’t focus for more than five seconds? Or write with normal spacing and letter height on the lines of the paper?”

“So wait, you’re saying it’s okay that he’s writing letters backwards?”

That one still throws me for a loop.

“We can read what he writes,” they said.

Eventually, it turned into: “It’s just his ADHD.”

And I fell for it. Repeatedly. I walked out of every meeting feeling like an overprotective mom. That mom.

And it didn’t just end with my oldest son. It continued with my other children too.

“We don’t see that here.”

Okay, great. Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

So how has this led to trauma for me as a parent?

Because over time, it broke me.

The constant gaslighting, the self-doubt, the sleepless nights spent wondering if I was overreacting or missing something — it wore me down. I stopped trusting my instincts. I felt isolated and powerless.

This is what no parenting course ever prepared you for.

You become a real-life MacGyver—patching together solutions when the system fails to deliver. Trying so hard to figure out how to get your child through school. Because if your child doesn’t learn, their chances for success in their adult life are limited.

Over the years, as each of my three kids struggled at different times, I remember sending them on the bus feeling like I’d somehow failed them because I hadn’t fought hard enough. Even though the bags under my eyes told a different story.

The stress and exhaustion weighed heavily on me, and it started to affect my relationship with my other children and my husband. Life just wasn’t enjoyable anymore.

There is nothing worse than watching your child spiral—and feeling powerless to help.

I was running on empty.

When the system failed my kids, I learned how to fight back. And now I use what I’ve learned to help others do the same.

Once your child enters the world of special education, you’re in it for the long haul.

That’s why I believe every parent needs to understand it.

I still lean on an advocate from time to time—because sometimes, you just need backup. But there’s a lot I can now do for my kids on my own, and that has been deeply empowering.

Now when I sit in those meetings, I don’t second-guess myself.

I recognize when I’m being gaslit.

I know what questions to ask, what answers to challenge, and how to stay focused—no matter how uncomfortable things get.

I no longer walk in looking for their approval.

I walk in knowledgeable and that is a great feeling.

No parent should have to do this alone. That’s why I’m working on a parent advocacy course—built with a colleague through The Parent Advocate Academy—for people like us: real parents fighting for real change. More soon.